Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Terror in Her Eyes

Terror in her eyes, she told me...how...the government ("el gobierno") killed people ("asesinaron gente") and she does not know ("y no conozco") where the dead bodies are ("donde esta los cuerpos"). I knew this. I had read this. I was at once (oh conceited me) proud that I could understand her (my Spanish is improving) but then I saw the terror...in her eyes. "Es terrible," I said, and she agreed. "Pinochet...terrible."

Later, as I lay in bed, I could not sleep. Am I so nihilistic to believe that those killed (disappeared) individuals, nameless now, never existing, are lost to the entrails of destruction. Kundera would certainly say that they were wiped out (or the memory of them was) but that the trauma is still present. The dead live forever in trauma. Such a concept is troubling--that one's eternity is captured in trauma. Such a concept makes me feel unlucky to have been born.

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